A Cat's Life
by catsvrsdogscatswin
Summary: AU. After London burns, the world rebuilds itself. Amongst the rebuilders is a boy with a Cheshire grin and a loaded gun. "In ze name of Gott, impure souls of ze living dead shall be banished into eternal damnation. Amen, und auf Wiedersehen." Request fic for Tiger spy. Side AlucardxIntegra pairing because...its fun to write AlucardxIntegra. One shot.


_**Hope you enjoy the story Tiger spy! I do know a little bit of German, but for the longer sentences I have shakily trusted Google translate. If anyone speaks German fluently, please correct me.**_

_***Update: Thank you Wolv for correcting me, I have (hopefully) fixed all the German-language mistakes. Also, if enough people ask for it I will continue it...at least up until the point of a three-shot or something.***_

_**October 4, 2014**_

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><p>"<em>I am the Cat Who Walks By Himself, and all places are alike to me."<em>

–_The Cat, Just So Stories_

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><p><em>3<em>_rd__ Person POV: _

A quaint English home sat nestled in the dip of two hills, a small red sedan parked outside on the gravel path and two or three chickens scratching at the dirt in the small garden. Night had fallen and the air was filled with the sound of chirping crickets, the grass wet with dew. It was warm, as summer approached, but not stifling like it would get later in the season. Only one light was on inside the house; a warm, inviting glow shone from the downstairs kitchen. The rest of the house was dark and still. An ordinary enough scene, offset by the ring of squad cars a few hundred yards off down the road, flashing garish blue and red against the peaceful darkness. The house itself only held four occupants; the family, and one who didn't belong there. A silent game of cat and mouse had been taking place for the last few minutes, and it was very quickly drawing to a close. The "cat" strode into an empty room with the "mouse" clawing at the window, and it was all over.

"Hehe. _Gute nacht, Herr _Williams."

The male vampire whipped around, but the catlike figure was too fast for him, and a gunshot rang out as it collapsed to dust. A few moments of silence passed, and the hooded figure took the time to study his surroundings. He was in a nursery, and there were several streaks of red along the toy-train wallpaper which led to the bathroom. Walking over, he kicked the ajar door farther open and was greeted with the sight of a young male ghoul gnawing on the corpse of its mother. Rose-red eyes furrowed under the hood. "Ah. Now that's just nasty. You shouldn't do that to your _Mutti._" he chided, raising the gun. Another gunshot echoed out, followed quickly by a third as both corpses, inanimate and animate, crumbled to dust. Schrödinger grinned and pulled his hood back, his catlike ears rising out of his soft blonde hair to catch every sound. An irritating sound dully buzzed in one ear, and he glared at it, twitching his ear to shake out the communicator.

"_Ja_?"

"_Schrödinger, is the area secure?"_

"_Ja ja, alles gut._"

"_English."_

He grinned, showing dainty but lethally sharp fangs.

"It's all good here, _Kommandant_. I killed all of ze vampires, can I go home now?"

"_If the area is clear, you may. Don't miss any ghouls like last time."_

Schrödinger snorted and flicked the communicator off before putting it in his pocket. "_Es tut mir leid_, it vas only one or two or three." he muttered to himself mockingly, drawing the hood over his ears again and vanishing. A quick scan of the premise revealed that (according to his commanders, for once) Schrödinger hadn't left any undead "alive", and he grinned again. _That'll show zem. I actually killed vat I vas supposed to in one go._ He thought proudly, and promptly vanished once more, heading towards the Hellsing mansion and base of operations.

Schrödinger had changed from the days when he was the Last Battalion's Warrant Officer. He was taller, and older, and he no longer wore the Hitler Youth uniform. Instead it was replaced with Hellsing's combat fatigues, military boots, and a tattered old hoodie he used to cover his unnatural ears when out on duty. His tail was usually tucked safely inside his pants, and therefore was easier to hide. Being the only surviving member of the murderous Millennium campaign, he was held under close watch, and he knew it. But his rose-red eyes still had the irrepressible glint of mischief, and he was just as quick to grin and tease. The death of the Last Battalion had not shaken him at all; he was only a tool to them, after all. He had returned the feelings; except for the Captain, they could all go to Hell for all he cared. Unfortunately, that was exactly where the Captain went, taken by the ravenous fires in the blimp as Seras Victoria spirited him and Sir Integra to safety.

Iscariot was also nothing but a distant and unpleasant memory. Maxwell had died at the hands of Father Anderson and Alucard's familiars, and the priest turned Judas was currently missing; nobody knew what had happened to him after Maxwell's death. Most suspected he was dead; Schrödinger was one of them. He doubted anyone without a strong will and _purpose_ to live could've survived the bloodbath London had become, and bereft of his faith after killing one supposedly holy in the eyes of God, Alexander Anderson had most likely succumbed to the endless numbers of ghouls, flames, and vampires. What few remaining hunters, Yumiko Takagi and Heinkel Wolfe and some scattered other members of Iscariot, were too busy licking their wounds and keeping vampires off their home ground in Italy to be of any trouble in England.

The cat-boy stopped as he appeared on Hellsing's own gravel drive, and looked up at the mansion with a critical eye. The lawn, at least, was repaired from Zorin's attack, but some parts of the building were still smoke-scorched and the plaster partially cracked. The windows and front doors had been replaced, which was something. Drafts were singularly unpleasant if one lived in the basement of the manor, as Schrödinger did, and he was grateful to see that he wouldn't have to suffer through them anymore. He closed his eyes and drew his hood back to _listen, _and smirked as he caught a familiar sound.

"_Bloody vampire, get __**out**__ of my office!"_

"_But Master, don't you want to fix your shirt?"_

_**THUD**_.

The sound of a silver ashtray smacking into newly repaired plaster, at first startling, was now as familiar as his own heartbeat, and Schrödinger grinned and teleported. Integra's office, lined with newly printed books and fresh-sawn oak shelves, was currently home to two other occupants: Sir Integra herself and her master vampire. Integra's silver ashtray was currently embedded in the new soft plaster about two inches to the left of Alucard's head, and the vampire was grinning in the infuriating way that he personally saved for his master. The master of Hellsing was seated behind her mahogany desk, her one remaining blue eye livid. Schrödinger didn't bother to hide the grin as he saw the reasons for her shouting and the thrown ashtray: they were blindingly obvious in the way her normally crisp shirt was rumpled, her mouth slightly swollen, and the slight scratch he saw at the corner of her lips, a scratch that looked suspiciously vampiric in origin.

"AND YOU!"

The previously grinning cat-boy yelped and ducked as Integra threw a paperweight at him next. Surprisingly, it missed, and he sent a nonplussed look at the air above his head. Integra didn't miss. _And come to zink of it, didn't ze ashtray miss Alucard too?_ He thought warily, looking towards the besieged vampire. Alucard smirked and silently tapped his left temple. The penny dropped for Schrödinger. _Ah, Sir Integra's lost her left eye, she can't judge distances correctly anymore._ He thought with some sense of relief, then yelped as her next projectile –a stapler– connected dead-on with his head. "Ow! _Aufhören, ich habe nichts zu tun!_" he spluttered, and Alucard, forewarned by the fate of the spluttering former Nazi, ducked as Integra threw her jar of paper clips. He then melted through the wall of her office, laughing in that rattling, deep bass way that he did. Schrödinger gave Sir Integra an uneasy look, but remained where he was.

"Ah, Sir Integra, you aren't going to throw zings at me anymore now that he's gone, _ja_?"

The icy fury in her eyes died out slowly, replaced by smoldering embers of rage, and she sat back down with a curse, redoing the top few ivory buttons on her blouse. "No, Officer Schrödinger, I will not throw things at you anymore, _unless-_" Here she gave him a deadly, heart-stopping glare. "-you keep appearing when you're _least wanted_." Schrödinger had to grin at that. "Was Alucard trying to _wollte ihr an die Hose _again?" he asked with a mischievous wink, and Sir Integra set her revolver on the desk. "Schrödinger, I learned German after the Major destroyed London, and my aim hasn't deteriorated _that_ much. Perhaps you would care to repeat that statement?" she asked in a deadly calm voice, and Schrödinger paled. A panicked "_Nein danke!_" rang in the air along with seven rounds of blessed silver ammunition as the resident cat-boy vanished hurriedly.

Seras Victoria screamed as Schrödinger appeared beside her on the library couch, and he shrieked as well. There was a half second as their respective screeches rang in the air, and then Schrödinger closed his mouth with a sheepish grin. "_Es tut mir leid_ Seras, I'm sorry." he chuckled, and Seras grinned shakily at him. "Don't you check where you're going to end up or something?" she asked curiously, and he made a face. "Not ven Sir Integra ist PSMing at me." That shocked a long bout of uproarious laughter out of Seras, and he watched her patiently as the laughs resided into chuckles, then giggles. "Did you make her mad?" she asked as she settled herself back into the leather embrace of the couch, and he sighed and put his hands behind his head. "_Nein_, she vas being touchy because Alucard was being…" He trailed off with a snicker, and Seras raised an eyebrow. "Being…" she repeated expectantly, and as if on cue, Integra's enraged voice cut the silence from above like a lightning bolt from God.

"-AND STAY OUT, YOU GODDAMN PERVERTED UNDEAD CORPSE!"

There were several thuds, then several gunshots, then another, louder thud, and what oddly seemed like several moans (Seras turned green and Schrödinger snickered again) before Alucard spoke and the gunshots resumed again, along with Integra's voice. "I DID NOT ENJOY THAT DAMN YOU! WIPE THAT SMIRK OFF YOUR FACE, OR I'LL SHOOT IT OFF!" Alucard's low rumble responded, sounding amused, and she shot him again. "NO I AM NOT IN DENIAL, AND I'M NOT BLUSHING EITHER! **GET OUT**!" Schrödinger grinned. "…being touchy too. Zeir relationship is all denial, _ja_?" he asked Seras, who blushed bright red. "Eh…I knew Master fancied her, but I never thought he'd _do_ anything about it…" she mumbled shamefully, turning a deeper red, and he shrugged, still smirking. "Vatever. It's an open secret by now amongst ze staff members." he told her, then melted away.

Once he had reformed in his own chambers, it was safe to blush. Ever since he had laid eyes on her, Schrödinger had acquired a huge crush on Alucard's fledgling; a huge, unrequited one. He could tell by the way she spoke of "Captain Bernadotte" that he not only had competition, the competition had won and was, although dead, technically still with her. The few remaining mercenary members, who had chosen to stay near the place so many of their comrades had died, had confirmed that "Pip" had been forever chasing after Seras and, when he had died, had done so in an unfairly heroic fashion, saving her life and allowing her to drink his blood to become a true vampire. He had the double qualities of lifesaver and _lifegiver_ to endear him to Seras, Schrödinger had only his humor and his (possible) good looks.

It was so unfair, he wanted to scream.

He looked around his basement room gloomily. He had taken nothing from the blimp before it blew up, so his familiar catnip toys were not on their shelf, nor was the Captain's extra coat that he let him borrow on its stand, or Rip's personal CD compilation she had given him for his birthday, or Alhambra's spare cards, or Luke's carved chess set he had gotten for yet another birthday. Zorin and Jan hadn't taken any interest in him, for which he was glad; Jan would've probably tried to pierce his sensitive cat ears, and Zorin give him a large, painful tattoo. His room was as sparse and utilitarian as if nobody lived in it at all. His cat ears drooped gloomily; it reminded him of a prison cell. At least his room with Millennium had had _personality_, an aura of _home_. This space was dead and cold, and the message it whispered to him was not pleasant.

_You're worthless. You're nothing. You do not belong here._

He blinked as he saw the small vase of wildflowers on his dresser. They hadn't been here when he set out for his mission tonight. He walked over, squinting and picking up the tag attached to the bottom of the vase. "_Dear Schrödinger, I heard you've been getting better at your missions, so I gave you these flowers to brighten up your room and add a bit of welcome. If you like, maybe we could go shopping sometime and pick up some more things for your room, I know it's gloomy with nothing but a bed, a closet, and a dresser. –Seras Victoria._" Slowly, his ears perked up, and he gently set the tag back down.

_Okay, maybe life isn't all __**zat**__ bad._

_**6.09, USA Central Time**_

_**It is supposed to be a one shot, so this is all I'm planning to do. Thank you for reading!**_

_Translations for the non-German speaking among us:_

_Guten nacht:_ Good night.

_Ja: _Yes.

_Alles gut_: Everything's good/it's all good.

_Kommandant:_ Commander

_Es tut mir leid:_ I'm sorry.

Aufhören, ich habe nichts zu tun: Leave off, I didn't do anything!

_Wollte ihr an die Hose: _Get inside your pants.


End file.
